Being that I teach 6th grade, we are not required to have Parent Teacher Conferences with all of the parents of our students. However, we are encouraged to have them if we are having difficulties or concerns about any of our students. I was concerned about one of my students, so myself along with his other teachers met today with a parent.
I thought I was pretty prepared for this, but boy was I wrong. I took some data with me as well as some behavior notes that I had collected on this particular student, but that was not enough. I was excited to have the other teachers with me because we had all expressed some of the same concerns about this student, but they did not express those same things in the meeting like I did.
I was informed that the child hates my class and me by the parent. That felt real good... NOT! I know that I should not let this get to me, but I have. I know that there are other students and parents who only have good things to say about my class and I just have to think about all of those instead of the negative things. I was glad that we were able to bring the student in and he agreed with all of the things that I said.
What is your advice for parent conferences? I have 2 more later this week and am really hoping that I have a better experience this next time.
One thing I like about 6th grade conferences better than when I taught lower grades is that there is always someone else in the conference with you. I find that we all go into these meetings thinking we're really going to "lay it out" for the parents, but lose the nerve or something when we get there. Maybe it's when you see these parents, many times who are trying as hard as they can to raise good kids but aren't really equipped, and you realize it's just not that important. I've always done the "sandwich" approach - a good comment, then a not so good comment, and then another good comment. They do get easier!!
ReplyDeleteDiscovering that a child dislikes you isn't a good feeling. However, you need to keep in mind that there will be students that adore you and those that don't.... As a teacher, it's imperative that you remind yourself and the parent that your there to ensure that the student gets the best education. If you didn't care for the student you wouldn't be having these crucial conversations.
ReplyDelete6th graders are fickle. You have to remember you aren't there to be liked. (Although it's nice when they do like you!) You are there to be their teacher and to give them the tools they need to be successful in life. I have had students across the spectrum, from pure hatred (being transferred out of my class) to great friends (I have a student who just invited me to her wedding!), in my classes. I think you did a great job having data and behavior notes available.
ReplyDeleteI would be concerned that the other teacher did not back you up. I would discuss that with the other teacher and see what happened. If you're not on the same page then it might be detrimental to have that teacher in a conference with you.
I would assure the parents that you are doing everything you can to help their child succeed in your class (give examples) and definitely have the student give their viewpoint. I often find that what the parents have heard from their child is quite an exaggeration of what is actually going on.
All in all, it gets easier to deal with. You will always have those kind of conferences but I find that the positive conferences out weigh the negative ones.
Good luck and keep your head up!
I haven't taught 6th graders, but I love the format of my student-led conferences. We start the year off with them and then they keep their Data Binders updated. This includes data on all subject areas AND behavior. There are self reflection sheets in their binders, graphs and data to show their work in the classroom and student samples. After the 1st quarter (when we have parents come in), the students have to take these home and share them at their "at-home" conference. This really helps keep them informed throughout the year. When retentions become a possibility, the kids already know where they are, and the parents have been made aware several times that they aren't making progress. Since you don't do all subjects, you could make this for reading, writing, and behavior. I posted about my set up here: http://runteacherrunriley.blogspot.com/2012/01/student-led-conferences.html
ReplyDeleteHowever, remember that there are always spoilers in the crowd. Don't let them get you down! You know you are going through this rough patch because you care about the student. If you didn't, you'd just let them continue on.
Mary Beth
Run Teacher, Run
Best advice I've ever heard and then given is this...
ReplyDeleteYou don't need no 12 year old friend...
Totally grammatically incorrect for emphasis.
You are the teacher. Stick to what you believe in and keep on teaching. You are there for teaching, not to make the students happy on a daily basis, right?
Elizabeth
Fun in Room 4B
oh hunny, I have a conference like that EVERY morning Tues.-Thurs.!!!
ReplyDeleteThey are brutal! I tend to get the most heat since I'm the most honest.
I learned to just let it go and drink a nice glass of wine when I got home.
You're an amazing teacher!!!
❤ Mor Zrihen from...
A Teacher's Treasure
Teaching Treasures Shop
some parents cant stand to hear anything bad about their little snookums. That defensive, I deserve what I want attitude is why little snookums is having such a problem. Sometimes, a kid's likes/dislikes don't aline with the style of a class. That can be worth exploring if the parents are being constructive, but its not the main goal.
ReplyDeleteRemember... You in charge (as in Elizabeth's comment, the poor grammar is purposeful for emphasis)
- Lisa
a teachers bag of tricks
Students tell their parents what they think their parents want to hear. They also tell their parents half truths and blatant lies to get themselves out of trouble. Both of these situations happened to me last week. My mentor teacher, who is now retired, once told me "all the crazies come out in February." (Referring to problematic parents.) She also added, "They go away again after spring break." So, Phil says six more weeks of winter, I am thinking six more weeks of crazy parents.
ReplyDeletemy first year of teaching i had a parent teacher conference with the mom, student, therapist, my team, and the assistant principal because the student was telling her mom, my principal that i was racist. which is NOT true. we reached an agreement and later the mom and i managed to get along wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteplus, as i tell the kids when you dislike me or say i'm mean it is a compliment. it means i'm being a teacher and not your friend. i'm sure you a kicking butt and taking names.
Katie,
ReplyDeleteAs long as you and the other teachers are on the same page, and you have the data to back it up, then that's a great thing! I learned to try and phrase things in a positive way (I am concerned about this because so and so is so smart and I know that they can do better...,etc)
Don't let what the parent said get you down! You have inspired me greatly for my 4th graders and I would love to have you as a mentor/co-worker (want to move to NH? :) You are an awesome teacher!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteFirst off don't take it personally! (Easier said than done!) The parents are often the last to realize that 6th grade is a major year of transition. At the school where I teach we meet with our 6th grade parents before school ever starts. I tell them this is what they can expect in sixth grade: 1. Their child will come home in tears at least once during the year. (It can be a social, academic, or emotional reason.) 2. They will probably hear "I hate my teacher for the first time." Sixth grade is hard! Students' hormones are kicking in, they are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in, and the parents are quickly losing their influence as friends become more and more important. I also tell the parents the students want to be treated like a young adult one minute and child the next. (No one likes to do things they struggle with and we often look for excuses to explain our weakness.) Often the parents are looking to make excuses for their child, because they don't want to hold them accountable. At the end of the day ask yourself this...
Did you act in what you believe to be the best interest of the child? If you can answer yes to this question then you have no reason to feel bad about yourself or your ability as a teacher. REMEMBER DON"T TAKE IT PERSONALLY ~ Often there is a lot more going on behind the scene than anyone realizes.
Also, since it sounds like the other teachers kind of hung you out to dry, try meeting with them before the actual meeting with the parents so you know what they will say. If that is not possible then let one of them take the lead with the parent and see how far they are willing to go.
[This is where I have landed after 20+ years of teaching sixth grade and having 3 sixth graders in my own home.]